Building Real Connections, Referral Networks, and Why a Simple Thank You Note Packs a Serious Punch

You ever feel like you’re hustling nonstop for those dream design projects, but the work just isn’t flowing the way you’d hoped? If you’ve ever gotten clammy at the mere mention of “sales,” you’re not alone! On a recent episode of the Six Figure Designer Podcast, I brought my husband (and sales whiz) Bryan Durkin on to chat about how creatives like us can approach selling without feeling gross or pushy. From making genuine connections to building powerhouse referral networks and sending handwritten thank you’s, here’s my take (and a bunch of Bryan’s wisdom) on selling the way that actually feels good.

Let’s Reframe Sales—It’s Not Gross, It’s Human

I used to cringe at the thought of “selling” in my design business. That word makes me picture used car lots and awkward closing lines. But after countless chats in our hot tub (and yes, we might need a podcast just for that!), I’ve learned so much from Bryan. The biggest lesson? Sales is all about connection.

It’s not about pushing people to buy—it’s about real conversations and helping folks solve problems in a way that gets them excited. Bryan grew up selling Hallmark cards and farm eggs as a kid, not because he was a little shark, but because he found it fun to help his neighbors and learn which ones were really into gift cards (and which ones, let’s be honest, were cheapskates). If you can show up and honestly enjoy the interaction, it stops feeling like a dirty word and starts feeling more like what it actually is: building relationships.

You Need Both Art & Science (Even If Math Isn’t Your Thing)

If you’re like most designers I know, your strengths are on the “art” side: intuition, paying attention to details, making people feel seen. That’s pure gold. But if you ignore the “science” (think: follow-up, tracking leads, actually remembering who you met at that networking coffee), you’re going to feel stuck and scattered.

For me, this means:

• Leaning into the human side: Really listen. Ask questions about their lives, their kids, their European cars, whether they bleed college football orange and blue. When you give your insight as the pro, you help way more than if you just keep nodding and letting them lead.
• Getting a system down: Don’t just meet people and hope the phone rings. Track who you meet, keep a running list of leads, and (here’s the preach-y part) keep up with those “not now, but maybe later” clients. I can’t count how many people have come back to me months—even years—later because I stayed on their radar.

Referrals Are Queen—Build Your Dream Team

I’m a broken record on this, but seriously: referrals are everything. Bryan calls it your “Dream 100,” but you don’t need that many—five to fifteen really good relationships can change everything. Architects, remodelers, high-end realtors, craftsmen—find your people!

And don’t just go after whoever’s easy. Look for referral partners who:

• Work with your ideal clients
• Share your standards and values
• Light you up when you chat business (not drain you)

Not everyone is going to be a match. That’s okay—some people are just energy vampires. Find the ones who give back, and nurture those relationships. And please, for the love of tile samples, don’t put all your eggs in one vendor’s basket. The scariest number in business is one (referral source, client, builder, you get it).

The Simple Power of Saying Thank You (And Actually Meaning It)

Here’s the dumb-easy “hack” that hardly anyone uses: after a great meeting with a potential client or referral partner, send a handwritten thank you note. Seriously. It takes five minutes, costs less than a coffee, and gets you noticed in a way no email ever will.

Mention something specific from your chat. (“Hope your daughter’s softball team crushed it!”) Then, a few days later, send a follow-up email—not a “just checking in,” but something fun and real. “Hey, did you get my card? Hope it didn’t end up in junk mail!”

It makes you memorable, and it shows you truly care—not just about a project, but about the person.

Done Beats Perfect, Every Single Time

I get it—designers want everything looking and sounding just right. But done? Done is better than perfect. When I started podcasting, those first few episodes… pretty rough. My first client discovery calls? Awkward. But you get better by doing. Every time you step up (even if you trip over your words), you’re growing.

So start tracking your leads, reach out to new referral partners, and just send that thank you note. If you pile up enough tiny steps, you’ll be looking back at a six-figure business before you know it.

Selling doesn’t mean being pushy or fake—it means being yourself and finding the people who get it. So get out there, be curious, make some connections, and—like Bryan always says—just go sell something!

Make sure to check out the full episode and check out my other blog posts here!